Fearful
by Indigo Tantarian
Summary: Shadah seems to spend a good part of his screentime looking scared out of his mind... I tried not to go overboard with angst or anything!


Author's Notes: I know, I should be working on Millennial Inheritance. Bad Indigo, getting off-track! But I was looking at screenshots from the Ancient Egypt saga of the anime, and noticed that Shadah spends a lot of the time looking positively terrified. This really wanders and skips all over, and changes purpose a few times, but eh, it's got a couple of good parts, I guess. Enjoy!  
Isis: You will not try to sue Indigo for writing this. I have foreseen it.  
  
Osoroshii (Fearful)  
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A person of my stature is always watched, always envied. Perhaps not me so much as the others, especially Seito or Mahaado, but I too am seen in the same light. 'Ah,' a person will say, 'If only I were that rich, that powerful, that influential… then I would have a perfect life. Just like the Pharaoh's great priests.'  
  
Perfect. Ha. Maybe for some. I am one of the most influential, powerful people in all of Egypt, perhaps the world, and I live in mortal fear of my life's work.  
  
I don't think any of the others would understand. Certainly they don't feel the same way. Am I the only one completely terrified by the monstrous forms of the human kaa? Or am I just unlucky? I am usually the first to see it, if there is time for a more leisurely detection. I was the first to see Diabound, the great snake-tailed creature that lives in the thief king Bakura. That tail nearly snapped me up for dinner.  
  
…And yet, his kaa was good. That was a surprise to us all. But no matter how good it was, it still attacked us all, killing a few people including Mahaado… How could such a strong force of good do such a thing? It's easily enough to make a person lose faith in humanity.  
  
Then when Seito and I went out into town, and found the girl being beaten to death, the strange girl with the pale skin and hair, and the blue eyes. Kisara, I later learned her name was. Her kaa was good as well, but so strong… Never had I felt anything so strong before, barring the gods. It cannot be natural for such a frail human being to hold such strength. And it was stronger than any of us ever could have imagined. It was not as strong as the gods, yet it prevailed where they could not.  
  
…In a way, I envy that strength. Though she died, she was able to keep fighting, and do amazing things. Even Bakura could do all of these things. And we, with all our training, and how everyone said no one in all the land was more talented or intelligent than us, could not defeat this young man who came out of nowhere. He was easily a match for all of us. What use are we, then?  
  
But on the other hand, I sometimes find myself wondering if I could live with such a force lurking inside me. It's bad enough to have to face it every day, but at least I can escape from it… generally. But I think that burden would be too much for me. Perhaps Seito could handle it, but not I. I really admire him, he can handle all this power and panic with the smooth finesse he uses for everything. If the same fear that tends to grip me ever even brushes him, he rarely shows it. At least not in front of others. He has that much control. Perhaps one day I'll have a descendant who will be capable of such confidence and cool-headedness. How ironic that would be!  
  
…I suppose I'm rambling, and it doesn't really matter anyway. It's all over now. I gave my life for the Pharaoh as so many others did, and now I stand waiting for my heart to be judged by the gods, their Scales so much like Karimu's. I wish he were here now, that would be reassuring… But no one is. I am alone until my heart has been categorized. I… should not worry too much over it. I know I did some very good, noble things in life. …Or at least I assisted in some. Even if it was not enough in the end…  
  
…So in other words, I never really did anything important on my own, for good or for bad. It's sickening how codependent I seemed, looking back over my life. But how was I supposed to know what to do without anyone else? Even now I feel like a coward, wanting to prolong my fate and uncertainty. As I step up to have my heart, my soul, my life judged, I realize with a sinking feeling that this can only worsen my chances of a peaceful afterlife… Doomed to live and die in fear, and all because of some potential for power that I never really wanted.  
  
I hope the Pharaoh triumphed over his demons in the end. I wish I could have.  
  
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…So? What do you think? 


End file.
